Meet Carol. Carol is a typical manager with a diary overflowing with commitments. Meetings back-to-back, emails pinging non-stop, and a to-do list that won’t let up. Leadership under pressure often tests us to balance empathy at work with the demands of deadlines.
Back to Carol. One Wednesday morning, Carol rushes past her team’s desk on the way to yet another meeting. She notices Jack and Priya huddled over spreadsheets. Sensing her earlier request for the spreadsheets by 5 pm may not be met, Carol, feeling the pressure, fires out a brisk: “Those spreadsheets better be ready for 5 pm, on my desk.”
No smile. No “How’s it going?” No “Thanks.” And in earshot of the rest of the office.
Why Empathy Matters for Managers
Carol’s empathy miss (what Dr. Brené Brown calls “missing connection in the moment”) cost her quality work and left her team second-guessing where they stand. Why? Because psychological safety at work is built through empathy. When people sense a lack of care or connection, the brain registers threat, and humans instinctively pull back.
If we want the best from our people, empathy isn’t optional, it’s how we signal safety and unlock contribution.
How to Repair Empathy Misses at Work
If Carol doesn’t circle back to acknowledge her misstep, here’s what’s likely to happen:
- Resentment will build. Small slights will turn into “evidence” she doesn’t value her people.
- Credibility will weaken. Her team will share less, discover less, and create less.
- Engagement will drop. Effort will tapers off, and innovation will slow.
The irony? Repairing an empathy miss takes less than a minute. A simple reset such as: “I realised I came across brisk earlier. Thanks for putting in the effort on this, I really appreciate it.”
The Leadership Lesson: Empathy Saves Time
Without empathy, Carol ends up fixing formatting late at night. With empathy, she gets accuracy and more effort.
Empathy isn’t a time-waster, weakness, or pandering. It’s an investment. Spend a minute showing care, and you’ll save hours of rework, and relationship rebuilding.
What is Empathy in Leadership?
Empathy is a key emotional intelligence skill: it involves the ability to recognise, understand, and share in the feelings of others. It doesn’t mean fixing everything or always agreeing with them. It’s about taking a bit of time to show people they’re heard and considered. It requires presence, and not dismissing or diminishing people.
Science backs this up. Depending on the context, empathy can trigger oxytocin, the “feel good” hormone that strengthens trust and cooperation.
Take 2: When Carol Remembers Empathy in the Moment
Now let’s rewind. Same Carol, same impossible diary, same looming deadline.
But this time, Carol pauses at Jack and Priya’s desk, takes a breath, and chooses empathy. “Hey, I can see you’re really putting in the effort on this. Thank you. I know the deadline’s tight. I’m on the fly at the moment, but send me a message if you have any questions or suggestions that we should talk through”. It takes her all of 20 seconds. But it’s enough to show Jack and Priya they can check in concerns about the layout of the spreadsheets, and that their perspective is considered. They want to get it right. They stay an extra half hour to tidy up formatting, they double-check the data, and they add a chart that makes Carol look great.
Fast-forward: 5.30pm. Carol has spreadsheets that are accurate and easy to understand. Her team feels proud, not depleted. And when the coffee machine breaks down the next morning, Jack offers to run across the street for replacement coffees, because empathy inspires reciprocity.
5 Ways Managers Can Show Empathy Under Pressure
- Pause before speaking. Even one deep breath can shift you from reactive to responsive.
- Acknowledge effort. A simple “I see how hard you’re working” goes further than you think.
- Ask curious questions. Replace assumptions with: “What’s the toughest part for you right now?”
- Check your mindset. Choose kindness and openness. Consider, “What else might be going on for them” over fixed thinking.
- Clean it up quickly. If you react poorly, apologise. A genuine reset rebuilds trust, whereas silence builds uncertainty.
Why Leaders Must Practice Self-Empathy Too
Managers who are sleep-deprived, stressed, and running on empty struggle to access empathy. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Prioritise rest, self-care, and self-compassion (not beating yourself up, not over identifying or ruminating on issues). It’s not indulgence, it’s a leadership responsibility.
Final Thought
When deadlines loom, empathy is often the first thing to slip. But the truth is, empathy is what keeps communication lines open, trust strong, and people engaged.
At People Alignment we take pride in helping leaders build their empathy, and stronger teams.